如何处理黄金：家长指南

欺凌可以以多种形式存在：它可以是身体上的（推、打或打);口头（辱骂或威胁);或心理和情感上的（散布谣言或把某人排除在谈话或活动之外)。

随着社交媒体的广泛使用，孩子们之间的不当行为可能会在课余时间通过电子邮件、短信和脸书帖子发生。这些交流被称为网络欺凌，可能特别伤人和具有攻击性，其有害影响往往会在第二天被带回学校。

RELATED:什么是网络欺凌？父母需要知道的关于网上欺凌的一切对付欺凌者的第一步是知道你的孩子什么时候是受害者。

密歇根州大急流城海伦德沃斯儿童医院心理学系主任史蒂文帕斯提尔纳克博士说，典型的欺凌症状包括胃痛、担忧和恐惧等身体不适，以及孩子不想上学。正常的防御措施是避免或回避让她感到压力的事情。

不过，这些症状是欺凌独有的。学校辅导员、社会情感教育和欺凌预防专家劳伦海曼卡普兰(劳伦海曼卡普兰)说："你仍然需要弄清楚发生了什么。

问问题，让你的孩子谈论他们的社会状况。知道他们在和哪些朋友相处，哪些不是。帕斯提尔纳克博士说，建立良好的沟通应该在孩子出现欺凌问题之前就开始了。对小一点的孩子来说，保持非常笼统，但如果你怀疑有问题，或者你的孩子已经说出了问题，请按获取更多细节。"

随着孩子年龄的增长，他们对同伴关系有了很强的意识，所以你可以更直接地提问。当你的孩子说话时，要认真倾听他们分享的内容，并控制自己的情绪。

通常父母会生气或沮丧，但孩子不需要你反应过度。他们需要你倾听、安抚和支持他们。他们需要看到你是一个稳定和坚强的人

nd able to help them in any situation." Kaplan says. 

Once you've determined your child is being mistreated by peers, here are the smartest ways to deal with bullies, according to experts.

• RELATED: Are We Doing Enough to Prevent Bullying in Schools?

Stop the Bullying Before It Starts

Brainstorm solutions to stop bullying before it happens or escalates. Develop and prepare a toolkit of ideas for kids to use in tough situations when it can be hard for them to think straight.

Create a List of Responses

Practice phrases your child can use to tell someone to stop bullying behavior. These should be simple and direct, but not antagonistic: "Leave me alone." "Back off." "That wasn't nice." 

He could also try, "Yeah, whatever," and then walk away. "The key is that a comeback shouldn't be a put-down, because that aggravates a bully," says says Michele Borba, Ed.D., a Parents advisor and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

Role-play "What If" Scenarios

Role-playing is a terrific way to build confidence and empower your child to deal with challenges. You can role-play the bully while your child practices different responses until she feels confident handling troublesome situations. As you role play, teach him to speak in a strong, firm voice — whining or crying will only encourage a bully. 

Promote Positive Body Language

By age 3, your child is ready to learn tricks that will make her a less inviting target. "Tell your child to practice looking at the color of her friends' eyes and to do the same thing when she's talking to a child who's bothering her," says Borba. This will force her to hold her head up so she'll appear more confident. Also practice making sad, brave, and happy faces and tell her to switch to "brave" if she's being bothered. "How you look when you encounter a bully is more important than what you say," says Dr. Borba.

• RELATED: The 4 Common Types of Bullying

Keep an Open Line of Communication

Check in with your kids every day about how things are going at school. Use a calm, friendly tone and create a nurturing climate so he isn't afraid to tell you if something's wrong. Emphasize that his safety and well-being is important, and that he should always talk to an adult about any problems.

Build Your Child's Confidence

The better your child feels about himself, the less likely the bullying will affect his self-esteem. Encourage hobbies, extracurricular activities, and social situations that bring out the best in your child.  Tell your child the unique qualities you love about him and reinforce positive behaviors that you'd like to see more.

"As parents, we have a tendency to focus on negative situations, but kids actually listen better when their good behaviors are reinforced," Dr. Pastyrnak says. Honoring kids' strengths and encouraging healthy connections with others can affect self-esteem, increase your kids' long-term confidence, and prevent any potential bullying situations.

Praise Progress 

When your child tells you how she defused a harasser, let her know you're proud. If you witness another child standing up to a bully in the park, point it out to your child so she can copy that approach. Above all, emphasize the idea that your own mom may have told you when you were a kid: If your child shows that she can't be bothered, a bully will usually move on.

• RELATED: Why Do Kids Bully?

Teach the Right Way to React

Children must understand that bullies have a need for power and control over others and a desire to hurt people. They often lack self-control, empathy, and sensitivity. With that said, it's helpful for children to use these strategies when dealing with bullies:

• Don't let a bully make you feel bad. When someone says something bad about you, say something positive to yourself. Remind yourself of your positive attributes.
• Tell the bully how you feel, why you feel the way you do, and what you want the bully to do. Learn to do this with a calm and determined voice. Say, for example, "I feel angry when you call me names because I have a real name. I want you to start calling me by my real name."
• Don't reward the bully with tears. The bully wants to hurt your feelings, so act like his name-calling and taunts don't hurt. You can do this by admitting the bully is right. For example, when the bully calls you "fatty," look him in the eye and say calmly, "You know, I do need to start getting more exercise." Then walk off with confidence.
• Disarm the bully with humor. Laugh at his threats and walk away from him.
• Use your best judgment, and follow your instincts. If the bully wants your homework, and you think he is about to hurt you, give him your work and walk off with confidence. Then tell an adult what happened.
• Don't expect to be mistreated. When walking toward a group of children, think of them as being nice to you, and do your best to be friendly. Most important, treat others the way you want to be treated. Stand up for other students who are bullied, and ask them to stand up for you.

Take Action to Stop Bullying

Ultimately, it's up to parents to help young child deal with a bully. Help him learn how to make smart choices and take action when he feels hurt or see another child being bullied, and be ready to intervene if necessary.

Report Repeated, Severe Bullying

If your child is reluctant to report the bullying, go with him to talk to a teacher, guidance counselor, principal, or school administrator. Learn about the school's policy on bullying, document instances of bullying and keep records, and stay on top of the situation by following up with the school to see what actions are being taken. When necessary, get help from others outside of school, like a family therapist or a police officer, and take advantage of community resources that can deal with and stop bullying.

• RELATED: 18 Tips to Stop Cyberbullying

Encourage Your Child to Be an Upstander

Being an upstander (and not a passive bystander) means a child takes positive action when she sees a friend or another student being bullied. Ask your child how it feels to have someone stand up for her, and share how one person can make a difference. "When it's the kids who speak up, it's ten times more powerful than anything that we'll ever be able to do as an adult," says Walter Roberts, a professor of counselor education at Minnesota State University, Mankato and author of Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims.

Contact the Offender's Parents 

This is the right approach only for persistent acts of intimidation, and when you feel these parents will be receptive to working in a cooperative manner with you. Call or e-mail them in a non-confrontational way, making it clear that your goal is to resolve the matter together. You might say something like:

"I'm phoning because my daughter has come home from school feeling upset every day this week. She tells me that Suzy has called her names and excluded her from games at the playground. I don't know whether Suzy has mentioned any of this, but I'd like us to help them get along better. Do you have any suggestions?"

Partner with Your School

Communicate with your child's school and report bullying incidences. "You can't expect the school staff to know everything that's going on. Make them aware of any situations," Kaplan says. Though more schools are implementing bullying prevention programs, many still do not have enough support or resources. "Parents and teachers need to be aware and get involved so that they can monitor it appropriately," Dr. Pastyrnak says. Learn how to start anti-bullying and anti-violence programs within the school curriculum.

Teach Coping Skills

If your child is being bullied, remind her that it's not her fault, she is not alone, and you are there to help. It's important for kids to identify their feelings so they can communicate what's going on; therefore, parents should talk about their own feelings. What parents shouldn't do, no matter the child's age, is assume that this is normal peer stuff that will work itself out.

"It should never be accepted that a child is being picked on or teased," Kaplan advises. Helping your child deal with a bully will build confidence and prevent a difficult situation from escalating.

Parents Magazine

• By Stacey Colino, Laura Broadwell, Corinne Schuman, Suzanne Peck