当涉及到钱的时候，如何教孩子需求和想要的区别。

很多父母都听到过一个孩子坚定地宣称他们对玩具、衣物或电子设备的迫切"需求"。在他们绝望的乞求中，他们可能真的觉得渴望的物品对他们的生存和幸福来说是完全必要的——但是你知道，尽管他们很想要那个物品，但它并不是必不可少的。

在过去的六个月里，我七岁的儿子告诉我他"需要"一台任天堂开关，这是他在学校的大多数朋友都拥有的游戏设备。我越深入地探究他"需要"它的原因，我就越能看出他不明白"需要"和"想要"的区别他"需要"它，因为他所有的朋友都有一个，有些游戏他不能在我们古老的微软游戏机上玩，他的兄弟们总是霸占着电视，剥夺了他的游戏体验。

他不需要任天堂开关，但他确实想要一个。作为他的父母，我想给他安排一些财务优先事项，这些事项将伴随他的余生，当他不得不自己决定如何花钱时。

相关文章：这位抖音妈妈认为婴儿不需要玩具

Why kids struggle to recognize the difference between "needs" and "wants"

作为一名专门从事儿童工作的有执照的心理学家，劳拉考夫曼博士了解儿童的大脑发育是如何影响他们无法识别什么时候需要什么而不是想要什么的。

考夫曼向家长们解释说，学步儿童和学龄前儿童正在学习情绪调节的基本原理——学习如何应对大情绪。年幼的孩子可能知道他们想要什么，但却在延迟满足中挣扎。他们脑子里没有多少关于等待的重要性、过度消费的问题以及对环境的影响的剧本或故事。

对年幼的孩子来说，一切都可能感觉像是一种需要，仅仅是因为他们的大脑还没有完全形成足够的理解能力。随着年龄的增长，孩子们对金钱、需求和欲望的理解越来越受到他们年龄的影响

urroundings. 

"In my experience, I see kids struggle to differentiate between needs and wants for a variety of reasons," Rob Phelan, Certified Financial Education Instructor and author of M is for Money, tells Parents. "The adults in their lives don't use the word 'need' correctly either, so it's being modelled incorrectly to them." Parents may say they need a new coat, car, or seasonal drink from the coffee shop—all legitimate wants, but not always needs. Kids pick up on word choice and copy what they hear. 

"Also, children often don't make any decisions around purchasing their needs, since they are typically provided by the parent or guardian," says Phelan. Parents pay for their kids' food, housing, electricity, gas, and water—all the things they actually need. "Therefore, needs are just a higher priority 'want' to them based on their categorization of desires."

Finally, Phelan points out children aren't often intentionally taught the difference between needs and wants, leaving them without the knowledge to distinguish between the two. 

Little girl begs her mom to buy a toy Credit: Getty Images

• Related: How to Help Your Preschooler Handle Emotions and Avoid Outburst

How to teach kids the difference between "needs" and "wants"

To help children differentiate between what they truly need and what they want, Phelan suggests starting simply.

"Bring the vocabulary into everyday moments with your kids," he encourages. When getting ready to leave the house in the morning, ask them what they need to bring and quiz them about what would happen if they left it at home. Would it cause them harm? Threaten their survival? If not, it isn't a true need. On a cold winter day, a coat is a need; without it, we wouldn't be protected from the freezing temperatures. However, forgetting a phone or toy won't harm us, so those would be classified as wants. 

Phelan suggests baking to find out which ingredients are essential to the finished product. "Which ingredients are key to the success of the cake and which are just extras," Phelan would ask. "A cake without flour won't work, but sprinkles are optional."

• Related: Teaching Kids About Money: An Age-by-Age Guide

How to respond to wants

Perhaps you have helped your child to recognize the difference between needs and wants but feel unprepared for how to explain the reasons you will not purchase every coveted item they beg for.

"Research shows that the best parenting approach for overall emotional and behavioral outcomes is authoritative parenting," says Kauffman. "Assuming the parents do not want to accommodate for their child's request, they can respond with compassion, but a firm boundary."

When a young child locks her eyes onto a new Lego set, the parent can verbally acknowledge why she may want it, but then compassionately say no to the purchase, validating the child's subsequent feelings of disappointment. 

"My biggest advice happens way before the child sees something they really want," Phelan says. "When you and the other adults in the household are making a budget or planning ahead for the month, give your child the highlights when you are done, and even involve them in the process as they get older. Share what the needs are for the family and explain those get priority." 

Once the needs are met, families can work out the amount of money left and plan which "wants" they will spend it on. "You are communicating there is a plan for how you spend money as a family, the plan supports what everyone wants to do and agreed to support, and this new want wasn't part of the spending plan," Phelan explains. "If you want to adjust the plan, some other want is going to have to drop off and not get funded."

While the language of needs and wants will not come naturally to children, parents can intentionally work to teach the concept to prepare children for a lifetime of healthy financial priorities.