我在学校董事会上被欺负了——我的孩子教会了我如何回应

这是一个在全国各地的学校董事会上上演的场景：一系列的指控，被错误的信息所驱使，被一大堆的愤怒所包裹。会议充其量是指责，最坏是谩骂和暴力。就在几周前，在我所在的世界角落——明尼阿波利斯西部安静的郊区——它们达到了新低。

在我们学区决定强制所有学生戴口罩后，一群愤怒的家长在9月下旬涌入董事会会议室，辱骂和吐槽尖酸刻薄。

"你的行为太残暴了!"一个喊道。

"你显然不懂科学，"另一个人喊道。不要把固定的和未固定的分开。

通过近一个小时的公开评论，他们不停地抱怨。他们大声抱怨对政府的不信任。他们指控董事会成员侵犯了儿童的宪法权利。在可能是最令人震惊的指控中，一位家长将口罩法令比作《吉姆克劳法》,还将学区比作纳粹德国。

RELATED::参加学校董事会的5个很好的理由当全国各地的电视台反复播放一个场景时，一名家长对另一名家长进行人身攻击。其他家长——以及一位参加会议分享学校发生的惊人事情的小学校长——被迫介入。一名警官不得不护送一个人离开会议室。会后，其中一名成年人甚至让一名75岁的董事会成员的轮胎漏气。我安静的小家乡发现自己是成年人有多可怕的最新例子。我们的社区感到沮丧和羞辱。

第二天早上，我和丈夫与我们的小学生谈论了这场"混战",几家新闻媒体选择描述一个成年人对另一个成年人的身体攻击。

"但是为什么呢，"我6岁的孩子认真地问。他们为什么要打和尖叫？"当你打人和尖叫的时候，没人听。"

我听着她继续谈论为什么恶霸会有这样的行为。关于这个

e fear and loss of control everyone has felt over the last few years. The truth is distance learning and mask mandates have been hard on our kids. My own fourth grader is living in a bizarre educational Narnia. He hasn't had a normal school year since first grade when he was 6. Now, at the ripe old age of 9, he doesn't really remember any of it. A normal day of school is an abstract concept to him.

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Meanwhile, the mental load of supporting children through a pandemic has become downright unbearable for many parents. And instead of dealing with our adult trauma in healthy ways, too many parents are passing their trauma on to their children. And it's manifesting itself at, among other places, local school board meetings, where adults can claim some of the control that they feel has been lost. Parents are living in a Narnia of their own: a place where fear and lack of control collide with tension and polarization.

But in moments like these, our kids are watching. They are watching how we show up for them, and they are watching how we react to each other. They see us moving beyond a healthy place of protecting and into the dangerous world of projecting.

That miserable morning after our headline-grabbing board meeting, while my own child wondered aloud why adults would act like bullies, several other parents discussed how we have taught our children to react to bullies. Not by returning force, but rather by reacting with kindness, especially to the bullies' targets. And our kids might be watching how we react, but magic happens when adults start watching their kids. Every day, our kids show us how to harness negativity and turn it into a force for good, because finding the good in the everyday is how kids instinctively live their lives.

Throughout that day, parents, students, and community members flooded our school district's office with messages of love and support in our kids' favorite medium—sidewalk chalk. In the span of an afternoon, the shouts of hate and the accusations of tyranny were replaced with messages of love and support and unity. Our superintendent watched out her window as the deafening chorus of bullies from the night before was replaced by images of rainbows and hearts and messages of love and support.

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All that beautiful positivity in chalk quickly impacted not only the district office staff, but also the teachers in the trenches throughout our district. An elementary music teacher stopped by to give hugs and offer his support. A retired principal helped students draw perfect hearts. A parent fighting cancer donated her own massive supply of chalk. One special education teacher went out of her way to come read the messages because she needed something—anything—to help her through this taxing school year. And as she looked at the hearts and rainbows and kindness, she sat in the middle of that parking lot and cried. Her struggles and efforts were finally seen and acknowledged in a way only students can.

Some of the chalk drawings that parents from the Minneapolis school made. Some of the chalk drawings that parents from the Minneapolis school made. | Credit: Courtesy of Rachel Berg Scherer

At the next school board meeting a few short weeks later, parents continued to listen to their children. They showed their kids that they heard the lessons they're teaching us. Our kids showed us how to harness a bully's negativity and turn it into something beautiful and brave. They noticed that their children were listening and demonstrated how powerful a collective voice for positivity can be.

An elementary physical education teacher, who is also a parent, shared with the school board how proud she is of her class filled with "safe, respectful, and responsible learners."

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Another parent praised each and every teacher for making real connections with her high school students, especially after difficult years of isolation.

Yet another parent lauded the district for offering "diverse classes that enrich all students," while another thanked teachers for inspiring his own daughter to pursue a career in teaching. One even said he was there as a direct result of the "fiasco" brought on by the "violence of an overly vocal minority."

The lovefest that continued for the rest of the open forum at that school board meeting did not make headlines. But it will certainly have a much more lasting impact on our community than the violence of the meeting before. Our kids are watching how we react, and they are quick to follow our example. We can only raise them to be the best humans possible when we slow down and listen, when we emulate their behavior and start acting like children.