这个假期可能是很长时间后亲戚们第一次聚在一起——虽然成年人看起来没什么不同，但我们的孩子在疫情的过程中已经长大成人了。对于12岁和13岁的孩子来说，这意味着他们可能已经长了几英寸，到处都是发芽的头发，曾经光滑的皮肤上也长出了丘疹。
他们可能对所有这些变化感到不舒服。或者，也许他们的身体没有发生任何变化，他们对什么没有改变感到自我意识。
这就是我们青春期的孩子今年如何登上节日餐桌的。他们看起来可能与家人和朋友最后一次见到他们时完全不同，这带来了一系列潜在的挑战。那么我们如何提前准备呢？我们该怎么说？我们不说什么？有什么原则可以指导我们通过这个棘手的地形？
作为四个孩子(11岁、13岁、16岁和18岁)的母亲，迪纳摩女孩公司的创始人，迪纳摩女孩公司是一家旨在利用体育和青春期教育来增强孩子能力的公司，也是《青春期播客》的联合主持人，下面是我对你周围有12岁或13岁孩子时如何度过假期的建议。
RELATED: 4种与青少年更好联系的方法首先，父母可以在帮助青少年度过一个愉快的假期中发挥至关重要的作用——即使会有评论倾向于不敏感的度假客人。他们可以这样准备：
Help them feel their best: 如果他们需要穿比平时更正式的衣服去参加节日晚宴，让你的孩子提前试穿他们的衣服，这样你就有时间帮助他们找到他们觉得舒服的衣服。青春期的孩子说，没有什么比被迫穿不合身的衣服更糟糕的了。
Avoid food issues:如果你有一个有饮食挑战的孩子，确保在吃饭时会有他们喜欢的食物，否则带一些来。
如果你有朋友或家人喜欢监督别人的饮食，你可以在去之前告诉你的孩子某某人有不同的态度
e about food than our family does. You eat what you want and if you run into any issues, let me know."
Reach out to relatives beforehand: If you have family members who tend to make comments about other people's appearances, you can reach out to them ahead of time and politely ask them not to comment on your kid's skin/height/weight/breasts/voice changes etc.
If you know there will be people who really want to connect with the kids in the room, but often say awkward things, you can also be in touch before the holiday and offer some suggestions of topics your kid does like to talk about.
- RELATED: An Age-by-Age Guide to Bonding With Your Child
How to Talk to Tweens and Teens During a Holiday Dinner
For parents who need a little help with navigating healthy conversations with their kids (that's totally OK!) or any adults with tweens and teens in their lives, there are simple ways to go about that.
Steer clear of certain topics: Don't police eating, comment on appearance, point out changing bodies, or assume all tweens/teens have romantic inclinations.
Move toward open-ended questions: Ask about things they might be interested in without trying too hard to be cool. Kids sniff out inauthenticity a mile away.
Don't assume: Avoid presuming you know anything about their experience during COVID because what they went through (and are possibly still going through) was totally unprecedented: socially, emotionally, and academically.
Try to find some common ground: That could spark a conversation without starting from the assumption that video games/social media/fantasy sports are terrible.
Let the kid be the expert: Ask curious questions about their interests rather than lecturing them on fear-mongering issues you read about in the newspaper.
- RELATED: The Pandemic Was Hard on Teens, But My Sibling Relationship Helped Me Through It
What not to tell a tween or teen during a holiday dinner
- You look so grown up.
- Don't worry, your skin will clear up.
- When did you start wearing a bra?!
- Any boyfriends? Any girlfriends?
- We won't ask you to say grace—your voice will probably crack!
- I was chubby too when I was your age.
- Let's fatten you up, beanpole!
- Oh honey, don't eat that. Have more salad.
- I have a great personal trainer you can work with.
- Is that a mustache I see?!
What you can tell a tween or teen during a holiday dinner
- Are you watching any funny shows on Netflix?
- Did you dress up for Halloween?
- How is your fantasy football team doing?
- Those sneakers are very cool—where'd you get them?
- Any classes you're enjoying at school?
- Did you pick up any new hobbies during COVID?
- Do you have a favorite video game?
- What type of stuff do you like to watch on TikTok?
- What music have you been listening to?
- Is it fun or annoying to have a new puppy?
The Bottom Line
Tweens and teens have had a rough couple of years and may be getting together with relatives and friends for the first time this holiday season. Insensitive comments focused on their appearance, eating habits, or personal lives can really spoil the occasion. It's important for adults to know how to have healthy conversations with the tweens and teens in their lives to help build their confidence and allow them to feel supported.
Vanessa Kroll Bennett is raising four tweens and teens. She is the co-host of The Puberty Podcast, which is exactly what it sounds like; the founder of Dynamo Girl, a company designed to use sports and puberty education to empower kids; and the author of the Uncertain Parenting Newsletter.
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