试管婴儿过程到底是什么样的

我记得第一次见到生殖专家。她用复杂的图表向我和丈夫解释了试管婴儿的过程。令人震惊。在那次会面之前，我不知道自己对怀孕的真正了解有多少。我从来没有真正考虑过这个问题，因为我之前是在没有医疗的情况下怀孕的关键字：有。

现在我们正试图"在以后的生活中"再要一个孩子，突然之间，我从未想过中学毕业后的性教育会是我的整个世界。

我当时38岁，根据辅助生殖治疗协会(SART)的数据，在接受试管婴儿后，我有16.9%的机会活产。考虑到我将要经历的一切，这个百分比对我来说似乎不算太高。事实上，我即将踏上的试管婴儿之旅将推动我超越我所认为的能力。

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How Long Does the IVF Process Take?

在电影中，整个试管婴儿周期似乎没有时间。你给自己注射了一些激素，然后——砰——你怀孕了！事实上，我们的医生告诉了我们所有的步骤，包括卵子受精周期和转移周期。

如果一切顺利，我会在那年七月开始我的卵子受精周期，并希望在那年10月怀孕。那段时间对我来说特别残酷，因为我们在将近六个月的时候刚刚经历了一次流产。所以，我需要差不多一年的时间才能回到我原来的位置。那感觉不可能。

The IVF Process Start to Finish

我带着8000美元现金出现在我的生育诊所。谈论信仰的飞跃。那天，我们全力投入试管婴儿的旅程。这感觉很刺激，是的，因为你非常希望它会起作用。但不止如此，我感到不知所措。我真的要经历这一切吗？就在几天后，我有了我的答案。

The beginning of an IVF cycle

在使用口服药物诱导我的月经时

marks the beginning of a cycle, we were suddenly deep into hormones and monitoring. Something else that seemed insurmountable was all the injections I'd need to take to do this. Let's just say if you have a fear of shots, you'll need to get over it real quick to do IVF. I was in disbelief when my first shipment from the specialty pharmacy arrived at our home. The instructions were incredibly detailed, and geez, we thought, we aren't doctors! Yet, there we were, mixing up meds and drawing up syringes each night.

Yup, the stomach is where you start with the shots. The hormones you inject at this stage are administered via fairly small needles. Nonetheless, I would grow terribly black and blue, and get very bloated—a side effect of the egg stimulation hormones. There were other side effects too, like extreme moodiness. That, coupled with the depression over our loss and my anxiety about whether all these injections would even succeed in getting me pregnant—well, it was a lot.

Another shocking aspect of this part of the IVF process is how many times I needed blood work and ultrasounds. My hormone levels were being closely followed, as were the size of the follicles being stimulated by the drugs. Some weeks, I had blood drawn and a wand inserted in me just once. Other weeks, it was almost every day. Since our IVF clinic was 45 minutes from our house, this was a lot, especially with my husband's and my job, and given that we had older kids, ages 9, 6, and 3.

I remember one specific time I went for morning monitoring at 5 a.m. These appointments always felt really heavy. I would look around at the others who were having their blood drawn in the cubicles around mine. They were as beat up as I was from the meds, the monitoring, and the worry. There was just this sense that every one of them had been through something—maybe a loss like me, or previous failed IVF cycles. Disappointment, shame, and grief hung in the air like a fog.

To make this process seem less intense, the phlebotomists would always play music, and one time, the song "Spirit in the Sky" came on. A phlebotomist practically tripped over patients in a rush to turn it off. That's how fragile some of us were. A lyric like, "Goin' up to the spirit in the sky / That's where I'm gonna go when I die," could do us in.

• RELATED: What Is the Egg Retrieval Process Really Like?

The egg retrieval process

After weeks of injections and monitoring, I was ready for my egg retrieval. This is done under sedation, which felt like a really big deal. But the procedure was fine. It was waiting for the results that ended up nearly giving me a panic attack. You see, I was told odds were, I would get one or two healthy eggs. Of those, perhaps only one would make it to the embryo stage after fertilization using my husband's sperm. "If we were lucky," was a phrase I heard a lot. Luck? Yup, it seemed in addition to science, we'd need that, too.

The transfer cycle

I don't know why, but luck was on our side. I got several healthy embryos. Nonetheless, I felt acutely aware of how many people weren't as "lucky" as I moved on to the next phase: the transfer cycle. Again, my doctor waited until I got my period to begin my next round of meds. These shots were no joke, with needles big enough to make me sweat. They would go in my rear end now. What a treat, right? I also needed help to psych myself out each night. I held a baby hat and played Led Zeppelin while I bent over the sink and my husband plunged a needle into my butt. Some spots hurt worse than others. I cried every time.

About four weeks later, my transfer was scheduled. Again, I felt so lucky to get here. This time, you are awake for the procedure. It's strange—the whole thing feels super clinical, even though you are about to—hopefully—get pregnant. There are several people in the room, including a doctor, a nurse, and a person who brings in your teeny, tiny embryo in an incubator. The weirdest thing about it is how they verify it's your embryo via a series of numbers. I hope that's really mine, I remember thinking. But here we go!

The transfer itself is quick, but kind of painful. Your legs are spread with the speculum inserted, like you're about to get a Pap smear, as the doctor inserts this tube inside of you. I watched that embryo float up into my uterus on a screen—all my hopes and dreams were encapsulated in that microscopic dot. Would it become the child we'd been yearning for?

The waiting period

We'd have to wait 10 excruciating days to find out. During that time, I cried a lot, fearing the worst. Had I done all of this for nothing? It was tough not to go there.

Finally, the day came that I went in for my blood test to determine if I was pregnant. My nurse said I could take a home pregnancy test too if I wanted, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I decided to wait for that all-important phone call. When it came, I froze, and didn't answer. In fact, I didn't listen to the voicemail for about an hour. When I'd built up the courage, I listened to the message. And I was pregnant! I couldn't believe it.

• RELATED: Understanding IVF Success Rates: 8 Ways to Boost Your Chances of Conceiving

After a positive pregnancy test

This was the best possible news, of course. But I was about to learn my IVF journey wasn't over. To continue to support the pregnancy, I would inject myself with progesterone for the next eight weeks. I'd like to tell you these shots were easier since I was pregnant, but they weren't. At this point, I'd be getting jabbed with needles for six months. I was exhausted and I still had an entire pregnancy to go through! I think that's one of the hardest things about the IVF process. You have already been through so much by the time you get to the pregnancy test—it's daunting, no matter what happens next.

Case in point: Although I was blessed to give birth to my healthy son after that IVF cycle, we tried again a year and a half later, using an embryo we'd frozen. Amazingly, I got pregnant again. But at seven weeks, I miscarried. The loss killed me emotionally—I'd done all those injections, and put my family through all that stress, plus spent thousands of dollars, and ended up with nothing. It hurt. A lot. The most painful moment came when my doctor said I could just stop the injections. There was no reason to take them anymore. Suddenly, not needing those needles I so dreaded felt beyond sad. In fact, I'll confess that years later, I haven't been able to bring myself to throw them away since they are my only real connection to the baby we lost.

Find Support for Your IVF Process

The good news is there are tons of resources for IVF patients—specifically, I was pointed to videos that walked us through every step of how to prepare and administer the injections. My fertility clinic also had an emergency line that, ahem, we might have called a few times in a panic that we'd timed or mixed something wrong.

Luckily, I also had a great partner, who huddled in the bathroom with me each night and encouraged me to take deep breaths while he plunged needle after needle into my tummy. I always felt supported and seen—although no one can truly understand what the IVF process is like unless they themselves are going through it. Unfortunately, I didn't know anyone else who had done IVF, so I felt incredibly isolated. I looked online for IVF support groups, but if I'm being honest, I didn't linger too long there. It's hard not to read what others are going through and apply it to your own experience, good or bad. I found it best to focus on my own journey and used yoga and meditation to find calm amid the storm of emotions and fears I was navigating.

• RELATED: The Secret Shame and Isolation That Comes With IVF is Real, Here's How to Get Through It

The Bottom Line

I'd tell anyone considering IVF that firstly, you should know beyond a shadow of a doubt you want to get pregnant, and secondly, it'll test you physically and emotionally, and financially.

It was almost a blessing that I didn't know what my IVF journey would entail, or else I'm not sure I could have done it. But even though it was difficult, and even though it drained my bank account, and taxed my emotions and my body in ways I will never fully recover from, I am so, so grateful IVF exists, because we wouldn't have our son without it.