头发又冷又乱的孩子很早就通过媒体形象和社会美容标准了解到他们的头发被认为是难打理或难以驾驭的。如果没有适当的支持和教育，他们的父母可能会努力以有益于发型和质地的方式保持和塑造他们的头发，无意中强化了这些信息。然而，父母可以通过教导孩子正确的爱和关心来打破头发创伤的世代模式。
虽然我们知道基于肤色和头发质地的歧视会影响儿童，但研究直到最近才开始更仔细地研究它的社会情感代价。今年5月，新奥尔良杜兰社会工作学院和心理学系的研究人员开始研究与儿童收到的关于他们头发和肤色的信息相关的心理压力和创伤。通过对一项调查的回应，研究人员收集了他们认为将支持长期歧视历史的信息，该调查调查了头发类型、敏感和种族仇恨等话题。杜兰大学副教授、首席研究员马尔瓦刘易斯(马尔瓦刘易斯)说，我们的目标是让人们认识到种族主义是如何伤害儿童的这种伤害可能会持续一生。
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马里兰州银泉的临床心理学家和发型师阿菲亚姆比力萨卡直接处理了这类根深蒂固的问题。
在她自己的实践中，心理治疗，Mbilishaka从家中最脆弱的一个座位——沙龙椅——为客户提供咨询。在做发型的时候，客户会公开自己对生活的担忧，包括头发不安全。她知道父母经常会把同样的头发不安全感投射到孩子身上。
根据姆比力萨卡的说法，父母可能会将根植于自己童年关系的观念与他们的头发结合起来，比如"美丽就是痛苦"的观念。她说，我认为我们中的很多人都是在被梳子或刷子击打的过程中长大的，或者当我们说（头发护理)受伤了，不承认自己有多嫩时，我们的父母忽略了我们。
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For some parents, learning how to care for a hair type that differs from their own is a difficult undertaking. Mercedes Medwinter, 44, is white and has thin, straight hair. Her daughter, Lourdes, has thick, curly locks she says are high maintenance.
"I've been searching for the perfect products for my 6-year-old, and it's been three years," says Medwinter. "I've been learning how many times a week I should wash it, and I use extra conditioner when we get out of the pool—just making sure it has extra moisture." Nonetheless, she ends up hurting Lourdes when detangling her hair.
Since Medwinter struggles to style and maintain her hair, Lourdes only has reason to believe that her hair is the problem, even though her mom tells her that her curls are beautiful. Lourdes also spends more time with Medwinter's side of her family than she does with the Black members of her family, who live in Jamaica and share her hair texture. Having nobody to relate to can be tough for children with hair like Lourdes.
Medwinter described an instance when Lourdes played hairdresser with a white cousin, and she began to cry when she realized that her cousin couldn't get a brush through her hair. "Lourdes cries some days because she wants straight yellow hair, so I try to show her pictures of women with her hair and how beautiful it is," says Medwinter.
Medwinter considers acquiescing to her daughter's pleas for straight hair by having it professionally straightened. But she was hoping that finding products that work for her hair will help. She recently began using Pattern, a collection of hair products by Traces Ellis Ross, and was finally able to comb her daughter's hair with less pain. As a biracial woman, Ross is familiar with the experience of having curly hair, and her formulas have been effective in moisturizing and defining Lourdes's fine, coily curls.
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Philadelphia-based curl specialist Victoria McCutcheon thinks that part of the stress that comes with having curly hair lies with the implications of the language we use about it. For example, curls don't need "taming" per se, but love, which can help build children's confidence in their hair. McCutcheon says proper styling is what can help kids to love their hair texture instead of merely tolerating it.
"Children should learn how to style their hair so they can form some independence when it comes to maintaining their hair, and so they are able to express themselves and develop personal style," says McCutcheon.
When children don't learn what works best for them and their hair, the consequence may be unnecessary damage to the health of hair, which further exacerbates negative feelings toward it. Children may be subjected to chemical damage through treatments and straighteners that are applied in an attempt to produce a more manageable, Eurocentric texture.
McCutcheon takes a thoughtful, tailored approach to curl care, treating each client differently. "I like to walk the parents and the children through the process, from start to finish. Showing them [that haircare] doesn't have to be difficult with the proper products, tools, and techniques." She says this can empower kids to love the hair they are born with, something that many older relatives may not have had the opportunity to do.
She encourages families to identify a child's hair type using a curl chart, which can give insight into moisture needs and even the proper comb to use. However, finding an expert is her best piece of advice, since haircare is often trial and error.
Though children are never too young to learn about their hair, hair therapist Afiya Mbilishaka points out that by sixth grade, children begin to pick up on physical differences. "It starts in first grade, but it's more pronounced by middle school," she says.
That's also when the bullying or hair shaming by peers often begins. This teasing can lead to struggles with depression, anxiety, or aggression, or decreased wellbeing and self-worth.
Learning proper hair care is empowering for kids, but must accompany self-love and acceptance of their differences. They can only learn this part from their parents.
"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them," says Mbilishaka, quoting James Baldwin. "If parents begin to love their hair, that becomes modeled for children."
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