凯尔里顿豪斯的眼泪是白人男性特权的例证

凯尔里顿豪斯是一个巨大的婴儿。

我希望我能在这方面更加成熟，真的。因为总的来说，作为一个原则问题，我认为教导年轻男孩和男人展示情感是没有男子气概或软弱的，正是这种有毒的父权制社会化造就了凯尔里滕豪斯——非法获得自动步枪并开始自封的义务警员任务，导致生命损失的十几岁男孩。

但说实话。拿着上了膛的AR-15的孩子怎么说自己的生命受到了滑板的威胁？枪响的声音？塑料袋？这个孩子把他的最好的朋友军用步枪直接指着几英寸外一个手无寸铁的人的胸部开枪，他是如何在回忆自己有多害怕的时候在看台上大喊大叫的？以防你错过（在这种情况下，这对你有好处)里顿豪斯，这位17岁的少年，去年在威斯康星州的一次反种族主义抗议活动中枪杀了三个人，周三在自己的谋杀案审判中作证时失声痛哭。我的眼睛转到了我的脑海里，我想我看到了上帝，不知道这个孩子在等待审判的时候，在一月份穿着一件写着"自由如操"的t恤拍照后，竟敢发出真诚的请求。

这一天从被告的询问开始，当他的律师要求他描述那晚的事件时，里顿豪斯崩溃了。他解释说，约瑟夫罗森鲍姆开始蹒跚地从右边向他跑去，而另一个人在前面帮他挡住了去路。"那儿……那儿有三个人，"他抽泣着说。法官要求休息一会儿，以便里顿豪斯能镇静下来。法庭重新开庭时，现在平静的里顿豪斯说，他听到身后传来一声枪响，转过身去，发现罗森鲍姆正伸手去拿仍绑在里顿豪斯身上的步枪。显然，里顿豪斯相信罗森鲍姆打算偷枪，并用枪杀死他和其他人，他近距离开了四枪，然后逃跑了。罗森鲍姆是当晚里顿豪斯杀死的第一个人。

这是我的东西。如果你有足够的勇气走向你所信仰的深处

ve to be an unruly violent mob with a rifle strapped to your chest like Teen Punisher USA, you should be brave enough to face the music for everything you do next. That's life. Except, of course, it isn't for some people. The entire day's testimony was a circus of white male privilege and it was actually physically revolting. The New York Times reported that experts believe the jurors might be moved by Rittenhouse's display of emotion on the stand. Meanwhile, Judge Bruce Schroeder, himself a humanoid MAGA hat with a gavel, more than once excused the jury temporarily so he could scream at the prosecution. 

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Watching as a person who never went to law school and who has never owned a gun or a dick, I kept thinking, what if the prosecutor was a woman? What if those tears were rolling down a Black teen's baby-faced cheeks?

After a relatively short direct examination from the defense attorneys, Rittenhouse was cross-examined by the prosecution, who pressed him on why he didn't call 911 after he shot Rosenbaum, why he brought the rifle to the protest if he only intended to provide medical aid, and why it was self-defense when he shot at Gaige Grosskreutz but it was not self-defense for Grosskreutz to aim his own gun at Rittenhouse who was then an active shooter. Doesn't the NRA crowd always say the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun? 

Several times throughout his testimony, Rittenhouse insisted that he only fired his weapon because he was afraid for his life. Which feels a little baffling coming from the guy who had the assault rifle. You have an assault rifle! Anthony Huber, armed with a skateboard at an AR-15 fight, tried to disarm Rittenhouse, who then shot and killed him. I wonder if it even occurred to Rittenhouse that the people he shot, and everyone in the vicinity, were terrified for their lives. And with greater cause because, again, he had an assault rifle. And yet, as Rittenhouse himself testified, no one ever shot at him.

Can We Please Stop Letting the Men Play the Victim Credit: Getty Images

The day was a portrait of male fragility and privilege. The kind of fragility that induces young men to act out the most violent archetypes of American masculinity and then makes them fall apart when they're challenged on their actions. More than a few people online noted parallels to Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation hearings. After being accused of attempted rape, Kavanaugh spent the better part of his hearings crying about all his women friends, beer, and Devil's Triangles. His accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, remained calm throughout her testimony — because she had to. Her intentions, the veracity of her claims were being picked apart just as much as his.

On a normal day, men might be socially punished for doing something as womanly as weeping in public. But in court, when the very patriarchy they've staked their whole sense of self-worth upon is at stake, they're free to sob as hard as they please. Coming from Rittenhouse, who exemplifies the kind of toxic masculinity that makes men believe they need to be a rifle-wielding action hero in order to prove something, such a display of emotion is not brave. It's manipulative. Were the situation reversed — if the people he had waved his gun at been crying — would he have listened? Does he respect emotion any other time than when it's a possible get-out-of-jail-free card for him personally?

A woman's tears, on the other hand, are so often treated with immediate suspicion of either disingenuousness or irrational sensitivity. We don't even get to take advantage of our own stereotypes because, it seems, those too belong to men. 

Rittenhouse's testimony lasted all day, and legal analysts who are a lot smarter than me seemed to agree that the day was a disaster for the prosecution and a win for the defense. Because of weaponized white boy tears. Excuse me, I have to go scream out my window now.

This story originally appeared on instyle.com