与青少年谈论不健康消费和购物习惯的技巧

我曾经认为我在教育孩子金钱方面做得不错。我把和他们谈论所有财务问题作为优先事项。我试图树立一个重视努力工作的价值体系的榜样，我解释事情的成本，我教育我的孩子成为有道德、有思想和可持续的消费者（换句话说，我几乎每天都在大声疾呼快时尚的邪恶)。

然后，我11岁的大女儿开始和她的朋友出去玩。其中大部分是想从超市买一些东西：五袋迅猎兽，多包可剥离的口罩，廉价危险的耳环，用于还不存在的渴望的穿孔，成千上万的堡垒之夜五雄鹿（如果你想知道的话，12岁的人也很乐意在虚拟购物中烧钱)。

是的，在多年来看到我二手购物，并赞美"少买，多买"的优点后，我相当有信心她会出卖自己的灵魂来得到一辆Zara作物顶部.

我在野外见过足够多的青少年，认识到这不仅仅是我的青少年。他们喜欢冲动购物的刺激，即时满足的兴奋，独自外出的兴奋。许多人喜欢互相赠送礼物（这是一种高尚的情感，尽管当我的血汗钱被花掉时，这种情感就不那么吸引人了)。他们还非常擅长说服对方"生存"的必需品包括鳄梨形状的鱿鱼之类的东西，所以他们可以以惊人的速度烧钱。

Related: 教孩子理财：一份按年龄划分的指南

Understanding how tweens think

研究告诉我们，帮助我们做决策和控制冲动的人脑前额叶皮层直到我们25岁左右才完全发育。因此，可以理解的是，青少年大脑很少关心诸如.未来的后果。

这些事情对他们来说是很难做到的，因为他们的大脑并不是那样的。心理学家西雅塔华莱士博士说，他们需要有甲、乙、丙才能想清楚他们的行为会如何影响他们的未来，他们只是没有这三封信来做到这一点

st/teen expert, member of the American Psychological Association and CEO and founder of Janisaw Company, tells Parents. 

While I love watching my tween discover her interests and passions, I do find it irritating when her spending feels wasteful and impulsive. Until I remember my own childhood, and my mother's exasperation at how I too could make cash disappear in minutes, with "nothing to show for it." She may not have thought much of the sticker books I'd fill with collectible Oilies liquid stickers, but I cherished them (also, they were my primary source of social currency as a 5th grade sticker-swapper).

"You may want to consider not giving them your last dollar, because it could just get spent on garbage—what you perceive as garbage, but may not be for them. We have to limit our judgement of what they should be buying, unless it's something that's dangerous or terrible," explains Dr. Wallace. She describes this stage of tweenhood as "almost going back to toddler years," a time of exploration and discovery where they're trying to figure out what they like and who they are.

Dr. Wallace reassures me that exploration and impulsivity when it comes to spending is very normal for the majority of tweens. In fact, making these throwaway purchases is part of their development, and the best thing for parents to do is to be supportive, not judgmental. This generation has influences coming at them from all angles, with pressures from social media as well as peers. For tweens trying to figure out who they are, having the right "stuff" can cultivate a sense of belonging and connection with others.

"We always say, it's better to have your child waste $10 when they're 10, than $10,000 when they're 18 and they get their first credit card," says Dean Brauer, co-founder and U.S. president of GoHenry, the prepaid debit card and app for kids.

• Related: The Parents Guide to Secondhand Shopping

Turning tween spending into teachable moments

An abstract image illustrating wage inequality. Credit: Getty Images.

As well as being understanding, an open-minded approach when it comes to kids' interests can help make these tentative first steps towards financial responsibility easier for both tweens and the adults trying to tame their childrens' spending. All too often, parents can be dismissive of tween and teen interests like video games including Minecraft and Roblox, when in fact, these are a crucial source of social connection for kids. As well as tools for financial education, it turns out:

"It's often the first time they're coming into contact with currency and needing to make choices and compulsive spending. We see it all as learning opportunities for kids, and that's why you put the right boundaries and frameworks in place," Brauer says. Tweens and teens typically spend their money 60/40 online vs. offline, with food and gaming two of the top areas of spending.

AFC®️and host of Her Dinero Matters podcast, Jen Hemphill, sees this tween period as ripe for learning about financial matters that kids can use to help them in the long-term, even if their motivations in the short-term are all about instant gratification. "I'm a fan of letting them fall while they're with you to make financial mistakes so you can pick them up and teach them," she explains. 

• Related: Teen Rebellion Isn't What It Used to Be—Here's How to Deal

She advises setting parameters when it comes to giving the kids an allowance, so they understand exactly what they're expected to use their money for (e.g. lunch, clothes), Any leftover money could be put into savings or spent on whatever they like. Except, if your child uses their allowance on something they didn't need, or treats all their friends to lunch, and then doesn't have the money to do something they were meant to, well, that's a lesson learned right there. 

And here's a lesson for parents. We can't control everything that our tweens are spending their money on. Giving them the freedom to experiment a little, with safety measures in place, is exactly what they need, which is one reason prepaid debit cards for kids are becoming increasingly popular (and essential as we move towards a cashless society; three in 10 Americans don't make any cash purchases in a week, according to Pew Research from before the pandemic). 

Prepaid debit cards like GoHenry and Greenlight have parental controls, as well as alerts that indicate what's been spent and where, so parents can track their teen's spending and block the card if kids misplace it (this also happens fairly regularly with this age group). 

Talk to your kids about money from a young age

illustration of mother and son holding hands flying above talk bubbles Credit: Illustration by Andrea De Santis

Parents are still uncomfortable when it comes to broaching the topic of money with their children. When I think about how I've been addressing it with my own family, I've probably been too emotion-led, rather than pragmatic.

Not only is it important to start having these financially minded conversations, it's something to do sooner rather than later. A 2013 study from the University of Cambridge found that our approach to money habits is already established by age seven.

The more direct you can be, the better. Explain how to budget using visual tools, set goals for the short- and long-term and tell the kids how different items cost different amounts, so they start to understand that saving up for a bigger toy or treat requires planning and patience. Helping kids understand the difference between wanting something (new sneakers) and needing something (socks for schooll) is another crucial lesson in Spending 101. 

"Something like almost 75% of parents are not talking to their kids about money, so a lot of what we're trying to do is engender positive conversations around money and having a framework to have this positive conversation. It's actually parents who have the most influence on changing, adapting, and evolving these attitudes and habits," Brauer explains. 

Money talks are part of larger conversations to have with kids about things like family finances and financial privilege (or difficult periods of financial strain). This can also tie in to bigger conversations about pressure on kids to own certain things, which might come from peers or social media. Teaching kids the difference between what's genuine and what's being foisted on them through clever marketing is another lesson you can't teach too soon.

Encourage them to earn their own money

An image of a dustpan on a colorful background. Credit: Getty Images.

The question of whether or not to pay kids for chores is one that divides parents. However, the general consensus from experts is that children do benefit from earning their own pocket money, since it teaches them to appreciate the value of a dollar. They can start from a young age, around six or seven years old. Brauer suggests thinking about creative ways for kids to start earning, whether that's helping neighbors with chores, selling old toys, or shoveling the drive in winter.

Once they've started earning, another way to help kids understand and appreciate how money works is to get them investing young—that's what Hemphill did with her two kids.

"They can play with the stock market, penny stocks and all that stuff, just to get their feet wet. Let's say you decide together that some of their birthday money will go to open up a Roth IRA, a custodial one. Being able to visually see growth is powerful," says Hemphill. For those who are financially savvy, setting up a custodial Roth IRA through a brokerage can work, or you can try a robo-advisor.

Resources such as Money as You Grow from the CFPB break down money choices and goals by age, introducing concepts like comparison shopping and planning in advance for purchases. GoHenry is also trying to bring these complex concepts to kids in a gamified way through Money Missions, while Greenlight has in-app investing options from $1.

When my tween came home with a bead bracelet she'd purchased for $3 the other day, I smiled. She explained she'd bought it from her friend, who had started a jewelry business. We had a chat about supporting small businesses and how good that feels… and she told me she wants to come up with her own business idea so she can start earning her own money too.