所有的联系都是需要信任的个人选择。没有什么联系是可以强迫的——这通常是一个缓慢的过程，需要耐心和坚持。对于一个试图加强与青少年联系的父母来说，你必须证明你愿意坚持下去，尝试新事物，并且思想开放。无论你是抚养亲生孩子的父母，还是试图与寄养或领养的青少年建立更好的关系，建立关系通常会让你觉得你在试图理解一个生活方式或背景完全不同的人。
即使你认为你对你的孩子了如指掌，但当他们长大后，你可能需要重新认识他们，而不需要假设、判断或肤浅。在这一点上，你的孩子期待你的支持和指导，以及结构和纪律。有三件基本的事情你需要和青少年联系在一起，一个开放的心态，一种平等感和一种支持的态度。记住这三件事，你很快就会有更亲密的关系。
1. Learn to Listen
从了解青少年的兴趣以及他们的社交和学校生活开始。如果你发现自己对这些事情一无所知，尽管问。对于那些正在和青少年建立全新关系的人来说尤其如此，比如养父母或亲戚。让你的孩子敞开心扉的一大关键是找到共同点。谈谈你自己的生活，你的社交和工作生活是什么样的。你不需要假装你也在经历你的孩子正在经历的一切，但是一种关系感可以为你们的关系创造奇迹。如果你似乎和他们没有任何关系，不要惊慌。这是一个安静和倾听的好机会。
RELATED::父母做的阻止他们与孩子建立联系的8件事如果你想了解他们以及他们为什么会这样，你必须真正倾听他们所说的话，而不要把它变成关于你的。与他们接触，就他们说过的话提出问题，如果他们说了你不喜欢或不同意的话，不要拒绝他们。思想开放是关键
al if you want to build that trust and prove that you're not going to reject them for who they are.
2. Respect Our Growth
In our teen years, we still need plenty of parenting, but we are hoping to develop a balance between discipline, guidance, and support. When we hear our parents say "When I was your age things were so much harder than they are for kids today," it invalidates the experiences and struggles we do have. We want you to treat us more like adults than kids and show us respect for the young adults we are becoming.
There are three basic things you need to connect with a teen: an open mind, a sense of equality, and a supportive attitude.
Emily Edlynn, Ph.D., Parents.com's 'Ask Your Mom' advice columnist, says that teens are in a delicate state between childhood and adulthood—they are gaining independence and their own identity. "Parents best support this development by 'scaffolding,' which is decreasing their level of guidance and directing as their teen gains more skills and mastery," she says. "As eager as teens are to be adults, though, they are not yet. In fact, parents maintaining the position of authority in the family is considered part of fostering healthy adolescent development."
Dr. Edlynn suggests that as parents, you show appreciation for your teen's growing skills and maturity so they feel you respect them and their increasing abilities to navigate their worlds.
3. Be Sincerely Supportive
This requires a combination of physical and emotional support, as well as financial when it's appropriate. Basically, you've got to be present with your teen if you want them to open up to you. This doesn't just mean being physically present, like showing up to their games or recitals. It also definitely doesn't mean that you can give your teen money and expect that they're going to pour their heart out to you.
Supporting your teen means that while you're going to show up for them in the good moments and highlights, you're also paying attention to when they're struggling and showing that you want to be there for them through the hard times as well. It can be really difficult for a teen to open up when they're struggling, so this is when you have to be patient. Prove that you're not going anywhere and that you won't reject them for their situation. Show love and encouragement to them while they navigate life at this age.
- RELATED: Advice for Stepparents: 7 Ways to Connect With Stepkids
4. Make Time
It may feel like your teen is pushing you away, but they are actually craving one-on-one time with you—just on their terms. Once you learn about their interests and hobbies, suggest trying one of them out together and let your teen decide what to do. When teens feel overcrowded or micromanaged, they can get resentful and distance themselves. But if they feel like you are interested in spending time with them doing something they like, they are more likely to take you up on the chance to do something together. Learn about your teen's love languages and how they show and receive love. This can be a great tool for bonding and building shared boundaries.
Connections take time, just like everything else in life. Be patient, open, and real, and you'll find that parenting a teenager isn't so scary after all.
- RELATED: An Age-by-Age Guide to Bonding With Your Child
Cassidy Littleton is a 21-year-old college student whose major passion is mentoring teens and fighting for child welfare legislative reform. A junior at Boise State University, she studies public relations with a minor in political science and is an active voice in the Idaho community.
Read more 'Teen Talk' columns:
- I'm a Teenager: Here's How I'd Want a Parent to Help Me Through My First Breakup
- A Parents Guide to Cancel Culture, Explained by a Teenager
- I'm a Teenager Who Was Bullied: Here's What Bullying Among Teens Looks Like Today
- A Parent's Guide to Sadfishing, Explained by a Teenager
- Here's How to Support Your Teen Through College Applications, According to a Student
- I’m a Teen with Eczema and It’s Impacted My Life More Than You Can Know
- This Is How I Wish My Parents Talked to Me About Sex
- This is Why Activism and Protesting Are Important for Your Teen
- This is Why Your Teen Won't Always Tell You About Their Day
- How to Help Your Teen Through the Process of Changing Schools
- This Is How The Teen Generation is Experiencing Anxiety
- How to Help Your Teen Navigate High School Stereotypes
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